Questions to Ask Yourself Before Filing for Divorce

The truth is that no one gets married with the expectation of divorce later on down the road. Instead, we generally enter marriage full of optimism and hope for a bright and fruitful future. In spite of these hopes, however, a fair amount of marriages end in divorce no matter how hard two spouses try to make it work. If you and your spouse are considering a divorce, you might want to ask yourself some important questions before embarking on another life-altering decision.

  1. Would you rather have a better marriage with your spouse, or do you really want a divorce? There is a major difference between an unhappy marriage and a marriage with deal-breaking fundamental problems that cannot be resolved. While disagreements and minor bumps in the road are natural, some problems simply cannot be worked out. As a couple, it is important for you both to know how to identify when your marriage is unsalvageable and when hashing it out together or with a therapist is the answer. The last thing you want to do is take this major step without being completely certain it is the right one.
  2. Did you consider seeking outside help? Before you and your spouse decide that divorce is your only option, can you honestly say you exhausted other possible choices? For example, many spouses see a therapist together to work on their marriage. He or she will be able to help you both work through your issues and help you get back on track if that is your mutual wish.
  3. Are you both under a lot of pressure and stress? Stress can have a serious impact on a relationship. If you and your spouse are experiencing extreme financial difficulties, unemployment, or recently had a miscarriage, any of one of these stressors are likely to blame for the relationship’s current state. The stress you are both enduring can be so great that it can overshadow the positive elements of your relationship and make you forget why you even worked as a couple in the first place. Before you decide on a divorce, take the time to honestly evaluate what the problem is in your marriage. If stress is the issue, you might be able to save your marriage.
  4. What role did you play in your marital problems? Not many of us find it easy to assess what we might have done wrong, but understanding your role in the failure of your marriage is important. Did you have a hard time keeping your word? Or were you too blunt and honest?  Whatever the issues were, the fact is that it takes two to make a marriage dissolve, so try identifying where you might have made mistakes. If possible, you can improve these deficiencies and attempt to save your marriage.
  5. Are you having problems in the bedroom and did you try to deal with the issue? With the right help, sexual difficulties can be solved. Therefore, instead of jumping to the conclusion that you and your spouse are sexually incompatible, try to have an open conversation about your sex life, including what you already enjoy about it and what you wish would improve. More often than not, sexual problems are deeply rooted in a couple’s lack of communication rather than on incompatibility, especially if you previously enjoyed a satisfying sex life.
  6. Do you have someone else in your life? Are you currently having an affair or a serious relationship outside of your marriage? If you are, you might not be entirely sure where to proceed from here. Sometimes an affair is simply a way for a spouse to avoid any unresolved marital issues he or she is not prepared or ready to face. While certainly not all affairs are mere flings, more often than not, they tend to fizzle out. As such, before you decide that trading your marriage for your newest relationship is the right thing to do, you might want to give your marriage another chance and try to reignite that flame.
  7. Do you still love your spouse? This is the most important question of all. Being honest with yourself as you evaluate and answer it is critical, so do not take it lightly. You might still care about your spouse, but do you still love him or her? If the answer is no, then whether or not you are capable of working out your other issues is irrelevant. If the love is gone, trying to force the marriage to work would be a disservice to both you and your spouse. As you answer this, make sure that none of the other problems you might be facing are coloring your judgment. Anger, resentment, and hurt feelings do not necessarily mean you are no longer in love.

Experienced Divorce Attorneys in Long Island

Reaching the decision that it is time to end a marriage is a difficult and emotional experience for spouses and the process itself can be even more grueling without the right representation. At Hedayati Law Group, P.C., we take the time to listen carefully to your needs and objectives and will assist you in developing a comprehensive legal strategy that respects your wishes without losing sight of your best interests. Our Long Island legal team is able to handle a wide range of divorce and family law matters, no matter how complex they might be.

If you are filing for a divorce in Long Island or a surrounding area, contact us at (631) 880-6440 for a free consultation.

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